5 Tips for Overcoming Codependency for Mutual Recovery

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Codependency happens when one partner depends on the other for approval and validation, allowing that person’s opinion to define them. This is an extremely unhealthy form of a relationship. Many people in codependent relationships describe themselves as being unhappy and unable to leave.

The reality is that anyone can find themselves in a codependent relationship, although it is very common for people who were emotionally neglected as children to wind up in one. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome this condition. Learning how to break the chains of codependency is especially important for individuals who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. Recovery among partners is easier when both people can function healthily and happily apart from one another, and can pursue their own sobriety goals. 

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How to Recognize a Codependent Relationship

Research shows that women are often more codependent than men, but both sexes are susceptible. It is best to look for codependent characteristics. There are three key characteristics of a codependent relationship. These three are:

• Lack of satisfaction: The only satisfaction that you find is through the other person, and your life does not bring you any satisfaction on its own.
• Unhealthy behaviors: You see that your partner’s behavior is unhealthy, but you cannot leave them, even though you know you should.
• Physical, mental, and emotional health: You are routinely asked to give more than you comfortably can, and your relationship negatively impacts your health.

These three characteristics need to be present for a relationship to be termed a codependent one. The majority of codependent relationships involve some form of abuse. This means that one or both partners are physically, emotionally, or financially abusive. Many of these partners also abuse various substances. Regardless of the reasons, it is important to understand how to overcome a codependent relationship.

1. Realizing that You are Codependent

Overcoming codependent behavior is a big step in recovery.

When you realize that you are in a codependent relationship, you can overcome the codependency. Some of the signs of codependency are:

• You are constantly taking responsibility for others’ actions.
• You depend on a relationship, even if it is not a good relationship or it is an unhealthy one.
• You feel guilty when you take a stand in a relationship.
• You gravitate toward people who you think will need you or need to be rescued.
• You do not have personal boundaries.
• You try to take care of everyone around you.
• You have low self-esteem.
• You are a people pleaser.

There are many other signs, but if you fit in one of these categories, there is a good chance you are codependent. By recognizing this, you can seek treatment and overcome the codependency.

2. Raise Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is a large part of overcoming codependency. Many researchers believe codependence is a self-esteem problem. When you are in a codependent relationship, you start to feel as if you aren’t worthy of a better one. You may take the abuse because you have such low self-worth that the abuse becomes normal. This is often reinforced by the person with whom you are in a codependent relationship. There are many resources for self-esteem building, including counseling and workshops. A few of the things that you can do to raise your self-esteem are:

• Write down and recognize your strengths
• Be aware of negative thinking,
• Create a feeling of self-awareness, forgiveness, and improvement
• Focus on uplifting things in your life

These are only a few exercises you can do to improve self-esteem.

Staying on the Right Path: Tips for Families in Recovery

When there is an addict in the family, other family members often end up struggling with their own emotions and well-being. It’s important to make time for yourself and your family.

3. Observe and Learn

Look for the codependent behaviors in your relationships. Once you learn to recognize them, you should be able to analyze them. By observing and learning from your relationships, you can correct them before they become a problem. You will find that there are people in your life who are givers and those who are takers. By recognizing the people who are takers, you can make sure they do not take advantage of you.

4. Allow People to Deal with Their Own Consequences

By allowing those around you to suffer the consequences of their actions, you keep yourself from being sucked into their issues. If you can learn to recognize when someone needs your help and when they are just using your help to get them out of trouble, you can stop codependent behavior. You cannot control another’s actions. You have to let them take both the consequences of their behavior and responsibility for their actions.

Call 800-934-1582(Sponsored) toll free anytime for help finding treatment for addiction.

5. Sever Ties

Unfortunately, there is a point when no matter how much work on yourself you do, you have to sever ties with the person who is hurting you. When someone is using you, and you bring it to their attention, they should be willing to stop. This is not always the case. In some instances, staying in the relationship is so detrimental to your health and self-esteem that you have to leave it. When you recognize this, it is time to leave the relationship.

Regardless of the reasons why you are in a codependent relationship, it is important to know that there is help. Many people cannot overcome codependence on their own. They need the help of others. Since a codependent person is normally, a giver this is difficult for them. Learning how to ask for help when you need it is a very important part of overcoming codependency.

Are you in a co-dependent relationship and ready to break out of this bond so you can focus on addiction recovery? Peer support groups can offer solidarity and support as you take the next step. Browse our online database of Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings to find ones near you, and reach out to us today for more recovery resources.

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